A further step . . .

This entry is an addition to the postings I have made throughout the year.  It is a place where I take a stand and say, enough!  Some will understand this entry, others won't.  Learning is an odd thing.  I'm far from sure how it works.  I can only speak through the lens of my own mindset.  I have recognized for some time now the sharp contours of my own lucidity.  If you can imagine: I am adrift in a small wooden dinghy on the open sea.  It is very choppy.  There are dark clouds overhead.  I am on my own.  For some reason I bend over the side of the boat and fearlessly put my head under the water, and can immediately see, in minute detail, the ocean floor far below. I have been assisted by reading the work of scholars who have insight into those things that assist or prevent clarity of thought and purpose.  I know this because it is my reality.  There are others who know this is so.  I am balanced on the sharp edge of certainty and not wanting to believe what is very clear in my mind's eye.  These 'others', they feel it is their duty to take an active role in making my balancing act more 'comfortable'.  They have made assumptions about what is and is not good for me.  They feel safe to make these observations under cover of technological devices.  They are anonymous and powerful: some have the backing of institutions people pay to access.  I feel exposed and vulnerable.  This is a painful time for me. To the 'friends' and 'others' who regard my need for autonomy as unworthy, I would say your comfortable assumptions are misplaced.  The thing I cling to in the midst of this storm is my sense of self worth.  It has been my close companion through everything that has brought me to this time and place.  To those who blithely act on impulse to destroy that which they simply don't comprehend, I say: it is too late.  I am convinced of who I am already; there is no shame in behaviour effected through hypnosis or suggestion.  Be on your way.  You are unwelcome here.